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JOKES
BLONDE JOKES:
BLONDE VS TURTLE
Q. How are blondes and turtles alike?
A. When they're on their backs they're both screwed
BLONDE WITH A GUN!
A blonde was suspecting her husband was cheating on her. So one day, she decided to go home early. She opens the door and sees her husband all over another girl. The blonde pulls her gun out of her purse and points it to her head. The husband says, "No! Don't do that! I'm sorry!" The blonde replys, "Shut up. You're next."
BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU
What do you do if a blond throws a pin at you ???
Run like hell cause she got a grenade in her hand!
CONFUSING A BLONDE
Q:How do you confuse a blonde?
A:Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.
BATTLE OF THE SEXES:
He said........"I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it."
She said......."You wear pants don't you?"
He said.........."Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
She said.........Well, you succeeded!"
He said........."Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said.......That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!"
He said.........."What have you been doing with all the grocery money gave you?"
She said........."Turn sideways and look in the mirror!"
He said........."Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?'
She said........I would but you're never there."
On a wall in a ladies room......."My husband follows me everywhere!"
Written just below it....................."I do not!"
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them - but they're a couple!
Why did the man cross the road?....................
He heard the chicken was a slut!
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time!
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened!
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have incommon?
They're married.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
Man says to God: "Why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
QUOTES:
YOU KNOW THE WORLDS GONE MAD WHEN...
You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the
best golfer is a black guy, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is
accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don't want to go to war."
Funny Pick Up Lines:
Straight to the point!
1. Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
2. Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I?
3. I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
4. Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
5.Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
6. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
And just for CBC, Steven, Ashe
Your chin my balls!?!?
WHAT?:
1. (leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
2. Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
3. I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.
4. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
5. Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.
6. What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
7. You are just truly absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean also?
8. You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
9. You look like a hooker I knew in Auckland.
10.You remind me of a girl I used to date.
Weird Sayaings:
When you choke a Smurf
,what color does it turn?
Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
If there is no God, who pops up the next kleenex in the box?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Hope you Laughed a lil
Thanks For Coming in!
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